| THE
BEAUTY CONTEST
Writer: John Stanley (1914-1993) This is the 1995 TV script, but the 1949 comic book version was almost identical. Note: The characters and their surroundings were copied unchanged from the comic books; hence the old-fashioned appearance of some things such as clothing styles. * * * * * * Gloria: A beauty contest? This afternoon? For us girls, Tubby? Tubby: Yep. Come one, come all. We're gonna pick the most beautiful girl in the neighborhood. Gloria: Are you one of the judges, Tubby? Tubby: I'm the head judge, Gloria. And all the fellers in the club are assistant judges. Gloria: Tubby, did I ever tell you that I like you? Tubby: Really, Gloria? Wow! Well, if I have anything to say about it I bet you'll win the contest. Gloria: If I do, I'll give you a great big kiss. [She walks on.] Tubby: Wow! Being a judge has its perks.
Annie: Who do you think is gonna win the boys' beauty contest, Lulu? Lulu: [looking peeved] Gloria! Who else? [Annie starts to fall. Lulu tries to catch her, but they both fall on the ground and get covered with mud.] Lulu: [jokingly] Oh, you look so beautiful, Annie! Maybe you'll win the beauty contest. [They both laugh and splash more mud on each other.]
Gloria: A beauty contest? How exciting! Do you know that I like you very much, Willy? Willy: Honest, Gloria? You mean it? [She nods.] Listen, Gloria, don't be surprised if you win the beauty contest. Gloria: If I do, I'll give you a great big kiss. [She walks on.] I'm sure to win now. Tubby and Willy are the most important people in the boys' club. [She meets Lulu and Annie, still muddy.] Lulu: Hi, Gloria. Have you heard that the boys are holding a beauty contest for all the girls in the neighborhood? Gloria: Oh, really? How silly! Lulu: Why silly? Gloria: Because the only way someone else will win is if I don't go. Lulu: What makes you so sure you'll win? Gloria: I haven't left anything to chance. Just wait and see. [She rudely shoves Annie out of her way and walks on, leaving both girls angry.] Annie: I don't care who wins as long as it's not Gloria. Lulu: I'll bet she's done something to the judges. Annie: Huh?
Lulu: I wouldn't pick ME even if I was one of the judges. Oooh, I'll try my mother's beauty cream. [They both put some on and look at themselves again.] Annie: This isn't any better. Lulu: You're right. Gotta think of a way to keep Gloria from winning the contest. [They wipe the cream off.] Hey! Why didn't I think of this before? [She runs out. Annie follows.] [In Lulu's room, she is lying on the floor with a scheming smile, printing a big sign like those the boys used.] Annie: [Laughs.] Lulu, you're a genius! Lulu: I sure am! [They run down the stairs] Won't old Gloria be surprised?
A boy's voice: [from inside] Nobody has a chance against Gloria. [Laughter.] [Lulu and Annie approach. Lulu quickly puts up her sign on the side of the clubhouse.] Another boy's voice: She'd win even if she was dipped in castor oil. [The two girls duck out of sight. The sign says "Girls' club will pick prettiest boy right after boys pick prettiest girl."] [Inside the clubhouse. Tubby and Willy are sitting on the ground with three other members: Iggy, Eddie, and Alvin.] Tubby: [hearing the sound outside] Hey, what's that? [The girls are hidden behind the bushes.] Lulu: See, Annie, it'll be simple. All we gotta do now is round up the girls and tell them our plan. [The boys come outside and look at the sign.] Tubby: A boy beauty contest? They're gonna pick the prettiest BOY??? Willy: Well, I'm not pretty, so I won't win. Tubby: Well, neither am I. Iggy: No way I'm gonna win. Willy: I don't know, Iggy. You might. Iggy: No way! Tubby: Um, well, I gotta go......uh......I hear my mom calling. Bye! [The boys all walk off in different directions, saying "Bye!" and "See ya!"]
Lulu: Flowers for me? Why? Tubby: It's, um, it's because...... [Long pause.] ......I like you. Lulu: [winking] And......? Tubby: And...... [Pause.] ......Um, when you girls pick the prettiest boy, it's not gonna be me, is it? Lulu: Maybe. [She turns and walks, Tubby following.] Tubby: Aw, no, Lulu! [Through the living room.] You can't do that to me. [Into the kitchen.] If I won, the fellers would never forget it. Lulu: [putting the flowers in a vase] Well, maybe I could see that you're not picked...... [turning to face him] ......IF-- Tubby: If what? I'll do anything! [He gets down on one knee.] Lulu: OK, listen...... [She whispers.] [At the front door, Tubby is leaving.] Tubby: [smiling] So long, Lulu! Lulu: [hears knocking] Huh? [She goes to the back door.] [Willy is on the back porch with a box, looking around as if he hopes no one sees him. Lulu opens the door.] Willy: Here, Lulu, from me to you. Lulu: Chocolates! Why, Willy, this is so sudden! Willy: [takes off his cap and holds it in both hands] Lulu, you won't pick me as the prettiest boy, will you? Lulu: I can maybe do something about it, IF-- Willy: [on one knee] I'll do anything. Just name it.
Lulu: Look, Gloria's already there! [The five boys are sitting on a bench behind their clubhouse.] Gloria: Hi, girls! Tubby: All right, girls, line up here and parade past the judges' bench. Lulu: [casually] Mmyeah, I'll go first! [She shoves Gloria aside, the way Gloria had earlier shoved Annie in the street, and walks quietly in front of the bench. Gloria is fuming. The other three girls who came with her do the same. The boys whisper to each other as they watch each girl go by. Now only Annie and Gloria are left.] Lulu: Here comes Gloria! [Gloria tiptoes slowly past the bench, stuck-up and very proud of herself. The boys smile admiringly.] Gloria: [gloatingly, to the other girls] That was easy! [All the girls turn as they hear cheers. Annie, the ugly girl, is walking past the bench, and the boys are cheering excitedly. Gloria glares at Annie furiously.] Tubby: We, the judges, have decided that Annie is the most beautiful girl in the neighborhood. Annie: [astonished] ME??? Gloria [outraged] HER??? [She grits her teeth in rage.] Double-crossers! [walking back to the bench] Here's your kisses! [She hits Tubby with her little purse and leaves the lot.] Annie: [still in a state of bewilderment] ME??? Lulu: Attention, everybody. Now we're gonna pick the prettiest boy!
Lulu: One more time, please. Mmm......we're not sure yet. Annie: [still in her stupor] ME??? [The boys walk past them, a little peeved.] Lulu: Well, I don't know. What do you think, Annie? Annie: ME??? [The boys are getting mad now.] Tubby: Hey! Make up your minds! Annie: ME??? Lulu: OK, girls, gather 'round. [They whisper.] We think...... The five girls [simultaneously, but not quite in unison] ......you're ALL the prettiest boys in the neighborhood! [The boys turn to face each other and begin arguing.] Tubby: Iggy's prettier than me! Iggy: Am not! Willy: Tub, you're pretty! Alvin: Iggy's pretty! Iggy: Am not! Lulu: I think we'd better head for my house, girls. [They walk off.] Willy: Call ME pretty, will ya? Step outside! [But they already ARE outside.] Alvin: Willy, you're pretty! Iggy: Yeah, Willy's pretty!
Lulu: Look at all the stuff the boys gave us so we wouldn't vote for them! [Annie is crying.] Lulu: Annie, what's the matter? Annie: [through her tears] I'm so happy, 'cause I'm the most beautiful girl in the neighborhood! [End of The Beauty Contest.] All characters, logos and comics images copyright their respective publisher. All content and all other images copyright 2002 comicreaders.com. |